Angry Cervix

My cervix has not been cooperating since before getting pregnant so I don't know why I would expect it to suddenly start behaving. It has become irritated from the progesterone suppositories and I started spotting yesterday. I was a bit freaked out and placed a call to the emergency nurse (the office has been closing early during the holiday season). She confirmed my suspicion that it was just an irritated cervix. I just want to have a smooth pregnancy and I really think I deserve that after everything I've been through to get here.

On a happier note, I had my 5th Beta today and it was 20,453. When I spoke to the nurse this morning she said it would probably rise to 10,000 or 12,000. I thought that seemed low since my last one 8 days ago was 5,083. She said everything looked great and my next appointment will be the ultrasound. I cannot wait!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas from our family to yours

December ICLW

Welcome ICLW bloggers. I am 42 years old and pregnant for the first time. It has been a long 3 year journey to get here. I did 5 IVF’s but only 3 transfers. I have unexplained infertility but along the way we discovered that my endometrial lining was emitting too much cyclin E during the luteal phase of the endometrial cycle. The only way to attempt to correct this was 3 months of medically induced menopause. I have done this twice. The first time (prior to IVF#3) I have no idea if it worked because although that IVF yielded 14 embryos the genetic testing revealed they were all abnormal. It was a year and 2 IVF’s later that I was put back into medical menopause (via Lupron Depot shots) and as soon as I was done we transferred one CGH tested embryo and it stuck! I’m now 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant with my miracle baby. This happened only by the grace of God.

Can you believe that Christmas is just 3 days away? I hope everyone has their shopping done. I actually got mine done early this year because I didn’t want to be stressed out during my 2 week wait nor did I want to take a chance of getting sick.

Today’s beta was 5,083 and everything is on track. I will have one more beta next Wed (Dec 30^th) and then my first ultrasound will be Jan 6^th to hear the baby’s heartbeat. I can’t wait for that appointment. I’m excited and nervous all rolled into one. I just continue to pray that God will carry me through this pregnancy.

So far the only symptom I’ve had is being exhausted. I can barely function at work and things are only going to get a whole lot worse. I’m a corporate accountant and we are fast approaching our corporate year end close. In January I have a really tight time frame to close the books and get ready for the auditors to descend upon me like a swarm of bees. I always dread January and I’m praying the morning sickness doesn’t kick in soon. I hope to be one of those lucky girls who sail through my pregnancy without it.

God's Miracle Unfolds

I'm 5 weeks today and attached is my first belly shot. I think it will be fun to watch my belly grow (but I'm not looking forward to watching my booty grow). I'm not planning to post my starting weight because I gained about 10-12 LBS from all the fertility drugs or as I like to call it my non-baby weight.

My beta on Friday went well, my hcG went from 528 to 1,386 so it is more than doubling each 48 hours. So far this indicates that I have a strong little baby growing inside me. I go back on Tuesday for another beta. My first ultrasound will be Jan 5th. It would normally be the around Dec 31st but my RE is out of town. I'm so looking forward to that first u/s when I get to hear the baby's heart beat.

So far no symptoms good or bad. My girlfriend J told me to enjoy this next week because the symptoms normally hit around 6 weeks. I had my DH pick up some soda crackers today just in case I need them soon.

A friend asked me if I was planning to continue the blog and the answer is yes! I want to document this journey and I hope everyone will continue to follow God's miracle as it unfolds.

Early Christmas

I wanted to write a quick post to let everyone know that my beta more than doubled over the past 48 hours. It was 528 today. This is an indicator that everything is progressing as it should. I go back Friday for a 3rd blood draw and then I will continue to go back every few days until my beta reaches 10,000.

My husband's parents are out of the country so we decided to send them an e-mail to let them know we are expecting. I sent the attached picture with a note that Christmas came early at our house. I know they will be thrilled since this will only be there 2nd grandchild. I can't wait to hear there responses. I only wish my husband could have told them in person.

God's Answer to my Prayers

God has answered my prayers! I'm pregnant!!! After 3 very long years of trying to get pregnant it finally happened. I want to thank everyone who has been praying for me. Your prayers mean so much and this would not have happened without them. I've questioned God and his timing so much but as one friend pointed out to me this is my turn. So many of my friends have been pregnant this year and it has been a hard year for me but now I will have their wisdom and new mother experiences to help me.

My beta today was 165.6 (hcG level). I go back on Wednesday and the number should double. This is one way to determine a viable pregnancy. I still have to continue taking my estrace pills and the progesterone suppositories until further notice. I think in two weeks I will get to hear the heartbeat. I'm scared but I've decided to enjoy every day of being pregnant and not let the fear take root. God has already mapped out his path for me and this baby and worrying will not change that. I will be constantly reminding myself of that.

Thank you God!

Sew Busy & The Dreaded Two Week Wait

Sew Busy

I have been busy this year cross stitching baby gifts for all the people that I know who have been or are about to have a baby. The attached picture is going to be my niece Olivia's Christmas present. It took me about 5 months to stitch this design but I think it was time well spent.

The Dreaded Two Week Wait (actually mine is 10 days)

I can honestly say that this past week has been the longest week of my life. I feel like I'm just sitting and waiting! I have none of my normal distractions and I'm completely distracted and work and can barely concentrate. I'm trying to put off the more difficult stuff (if it can wait) until next week. I can't exercise and I'm not shopping much because hopefully I will be pregnant and won't need new (non-maternity) clothes for a while. I finished 90% of my Christmas shopping prior to the transfer and I wrapped and mailed all my gifts this week. I'm hovering between hopeful and doubtful. I'm excited and scared. I'm looking forward to Monday but I'm dreading it at the same time. I've spent every spare moment praying and begging God to let this be my turn to get pregnant. I'm meditating at night with an IVF CD that helps me visualize the embryo implanting and it provides me with positive affirmation that I've done everything I can possibly do to make this a success. I want this more than anything else right now. We have so much love to give our child and we are ready to give that love.

I'm P.U.P.O

P.U.P.O stands for "pregnant until proven otherwise". That is my status right now. I keep repeating it to myself. I had a nice weekend lounging around and being taken care of by my mother and my girlfriends. My mother stayed Friday night and cooked a yummy dinner for us. On Saturday my girlfriend S brought breakfast and hung out with me for a while. She also brought her tiny poodle Pip for a visit. The kitties like to ignore Pip which is funny. On Saturday evening my friend Sunshine brought dinner and a movie. My DH got off good this weekend but he did go do the grocery shopping. On Sunday S came back over and hung out with me and then that evening my dad and stepmother dropped by with some food from a Christmas family gathering that I was unable to attend.

I went back to work today and this week should be relatively stress free. This next weekend will be busy so hopefully I will have enough distractions to keep me from POAS (peeing on a stick). Since I'm home early tonight (no gym for me) I'm actually cooking dinner. I hope my DH doesn't get use to this.

Transfer Day

This is our beautiful embryo that was transferred today. The transfer went well after a few false starts. I had to drink 40 oz of water prior to getting to the office and my bladder was SUPER full. My doctor was running late so the U/S tech said I could let out a little bit of urine. That is one of the hardest things to do. Super full bladder + having to stop in midstream = torture.

I posted before that my cervix seems to be closed up and that is the reason I had to have the cervical stitch. The first attempt at getting the catheter in did not go well so my RE decided to use a different sized catheter. He got this through my cervix easily while I watched on the ultrasound screen. Oh, I forgot to mention that the u/s tech was pressing the wand on my super full bladder the entire time. After the transfer the embryologist takes the catheter back in the lab to make sure it is empty. Of course mine was NOT. The embryo was stuck in the tip of the catheter. This is not harmful to the embryo which was my first thought. My RE had to use yet another type of catheter and everything went perfect on the last attempt. He then removed the cervical stitch and I didn't even feel it.

After lying on the table for about 20 minutes and spending 10 minutes emptying my bladder my mom drove me to the acupuncturist. I had a nice relaxing session and then came home to lie on the couch. My weekend plans are to lie flat on my back. My mom cooked dinner tonight and I have a friend bring me breakfast tomorrow and another friend bringing over a movie & dinner tomorrow night. My DH is getting off easy this weekend.

My beta (pregnancy test) is December 14th. These next 10 days are going to seem like eternity. Please keep the prayers going strong.

Last Meal

I had a lovely sushi dinner tonight with my mother. I am hoping this will be the last sushi I am able to eat for nine months. My mother lives about an hour away so she is spending the night tonight and taking me to the transfer tomorrow.

My transfer is at 12:30 p.m. and I have the last appointment slot so I can take as much time as I need lying on the table afterwards. I'm planning to spend 30 minutes lying flat on my back, then we are going straight to acupuncture to help calm my uterus and get the blood flowing directly to the uterus to allow for optimal conditions for implantation. When I get home I will update my blog.

I have had so many texts, phone calls and e-mails from my IRL friends and my blog buddies. I really appreciate the kind words and prayers. I'm praying hard for a miracle.

A Stitch in Mine

WARNING: Daddy skip this post - please

I went to the RE yesterday for my cervical stitch. My appointment was at 7.30 am - not the best way to start a Tuesday morning. I knew I was in trouble when the nurse kept saying "Oh, I'm sorry you have to have this. Yikes! Step 1 - spray the cervix with acid (I mean numbing spray). Step 2 - inject the cervix multiple times with numbing solution. However cervix isn't yet numb from spray so I felt the injections. Step 3 - put in stitch which involved lots of tugging and pressure. Done. My RE said that he was going to leave the thread long so it would be easy to remove on the day of the transfer. He said it would be like a tampon string and not to worry about it. I asked him if I could still work out because I didn't want to do anything to bust the stitch. I ONLY asked about working out but his response was you can work out, have inter.course (his word not mine), do most anything and not bust the stitch.

Fast forward to lunch time. I met my girlfriend JG for lunch and excused myself to run to the restroom. As I finished up I noticed not 1 but 2 cobalt blue 5 inch strings hanging out of my whoo-ha. I was NOT expecting that! I told JG I don't know what the RE was thinking when he said I could have s.e.x because what if those strings got wrapped around DH's joystick. I can only imagine that 911 call.

Everything is set for the transfer on Friday. I went to acupuncture on Monday and I'm going again tomorrow and then again Friday after the transfer. There went those new boots I saw at DSW today.

I want to take a moment to thank all the people that are praying for me. Just knowing how many people are praying for me fills my heart with love and joy. Thank you.

Thanksgiving at the Beach

I have been at the beach in Florida visiting my in-laws for the holidays. Today was a gorgeous day and I took a long walk on the beach. As I as walking along I snapped the attached picture with my i-phone. It was sunny and just perfect today and I even got sunburned. Nothing like a tank top tan in November.

Thanksgiving day we had a nice dinner and spent the day visiting and chasing around our 3 year old niece. I missed shopping on Black Friday but I did go to the movies with my sis-in-law. We saw Blind.Side and it is a great movie. Today more hanging out but I managed to take a nice long walk. We are headed home tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to seeing my fur babies. My friend S and her little poodle have been house sitting for me and taking care of the kitties.

The Estrace is going well and I haven't had any side effects (that I'm aware of but my DH might disagree). I started he Endometrin suppositories yesterday and tomorrow I will begin the Doxyclcyline & Medrol. In six long days I will be having my transfer. I can't believe it is almost here.

Unexpected Surprises

I received the nicest surprise in the mail on Monday from my friend D that lives in North Carolina. The angel is holding a seashell and on the bottom of the angel it says "thinking of you". This gift could not have come at a better time. I had just come home from visiting my friend J at the hospital. She gave birth to twins (b/g) on Monday after a battle with infertility. I'm so happy for her but it is a painful reminder that I started trying before her and I still have nothing to show for my 3 year battle with infertility. Thanks D for your thoughtfulness.

I went on Tuesday morning for my lining check. I had an ultrasound and my lining measured at 8.3. I'm totally on track for the transfer next Friday. I have to go back on Tuesday for the cervical stitch and discuss how many embryos to thaw out. We are only planning to put one back.

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. We are in Daytona Beach Florida spending the holiday with my in-laws and my DH's sisters and 3 year old niece. I'm sure I'll have some stories to blog about later.

Same Story - Different Nephew

I had a lovely pre-Thanksgiving dinner at my dad's house today. I even baked a broccoli casserole to take with us. It was a lovely day and all of my family was there, including my niece who lives in Tennessee (her husband is in the Army) and my nephew who is in the Army in North Carolina. It was nice to be together and I got to hold my 19 year old nephew's 3 month old baby. She is a darling little girl with big eyes and a sweet disposition. As I looked at that little miracle my heart skipped a beat or two thinking that maybe this time next year that will be me.

As the day came to an end and just a few of us were sitting in the living room my sister R said guess who's pregnant. Only my married niece and unmarried 21 year old nephew were in the room. I of course looked at my niece as my nephew's girlfriend raised her hand. WHAT?? I was in shock (which probably saved me from bursting into tears right away). After the shock wore off I had to excuse myself so I could have a mini cry in the bathroom. I felt like someone had slammed me in the heart with a sledgehammer. Both my sister's hugged me tight when I came back in the room and said how sorry they were. My nephew is in college on a baseball scholarship with a promising future as a professional baseball player. I know my sister R is crushed because this of course changes everything. They both have 3 semesters of college left but the baby will be here in July so I have no idea what will happen now. Every baby is a miracle and gift from God. I have to keep reminding myself of that, but could the timing be any worse for them? I feel like God is playing a cruel joke on me. Really. My brother & nephew both had a baby this year and now my other nephew is expecting. 3 new babies are entering my family in 1 year and I'm about to enter my 3rd year of just trying to get pregnant. No one ever said life was fair.

IVF FUN! WHAT???

I went to pick up my reading glasses tonight at the eye doctor (yeah I know I'm old) and it reminded me of what happened last week when I went to get my eyes examined. The female doctor was asking me of any changes and I said my eyes seemed to be drier than normal. She asked about any changes and I said I'd been taking hormones for IVF and her comment was FUN! After I closed my mouth I just looked at her and said "not really". We left it at that. Yes it was fun the first time when I was naive and thought it would work and I'd have a sweet little baby nine months later but after 5 IVF's and 3 years later there is nothing fun about this process. Fun is a roll in hay that results in a baby nine months later.

I started my estrace pills last Sunday and after a few days of headaches I feel like my old self again. I normally get headaches when estrogen is reintroduced into my system but they only last a couple of days. I go on Tuesday for an ultrasound to check my lining and some blood work. Things are going slowly right now but at least I have Thanksgiving and a trip to the beach to distract me. My in-laws live in a condo over looking the beach so that will be a nice way to spend the holiday.

I took this photo Saturday at the Atlanta Zoo. I imagine this what I will feel like after eating an early Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday at my dad's house and then another Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday with the in-laws. I even plan to help cook dinner on Thursday and for those of you that know me IRL (in real life) you know this will be a huge undertaking for me. I really dislike cooking but hopefully everything will turn out yummy and I won't have to help with the dishes.

No More Panties

I have been transferring clothes from my old dresser to my new dresser and I was doing this I suddenly noticed I have a LOT of panties. They were all just jammed in my old dresser but I decided to stack lay them flat in stacks by color. So I stacked and I stacked and I stacked. I started to realize I have a LOT of panties. So I started counting them and my final number was 164. That didn't include the stack I threw away or the ones still in the dirty clothes hamper. I have enough undies to not have to wash for almost 1/3 of the year. I really have no idea how I've managed to amass so many undies, but guess what arrived in the mail today? My V.S. panty coupon, I guess one more pair can't hurt.

Nemo enjoying the new bed and acting like we bought it just for him. Oh right, we did!

Fur Babies

I have 2 darling little fur baby kitties Roxie (black & white female) and Nemo (solid black male). We've had them about 1 1/2 years and they are brother & sister. My question today is how much is too much? We just bought new bedroom furniture in order to upgrade to a king size bed because there wasn't enough room in our queen size bed for all four of us. Does that make me a crazy cat lady? We do love our new furniture and so do the kitties. They think we bought it just for them, oh right, we did.

I went to my last scheduled baby shower today and it went well. No tears this time so I'm making progress. My friend M looked great and has only gained 25 lbs and has 7 weeks to go. She decided not to find out the sex of the baby so it will be a surprise. We all complained because everyone was forced to buy gender neutral gifts. I guess that element of surprise will not come into play for me if I get pregnant because my best 3 frozen embryos are boys. I have 2 girl embryos but they are both slow growers so they will be last ones to put back.

I start my drugs next Sunday and I'm having the stitch put into my cervix on Dec 1st and the transfer will be Dec 4th. The time won't pass by fast enough for me! I'm so ready to take the next step.

Objects of Torture

I had the sonohysterogram yesterday and it did NOT go according to plan. According to my RE my cervix was closed tight. He could not get the catheter in so after a bit of poking and prodding he decided to dilate my cervix and use a smaller catheter. In order to dilate the cervix he sprayed my cervix with some numbing spray which feels like someone is spraying your who-ha with acid. My cervix was very sensitive yesterday so every thing he did was painful. He finally got the catheter in and then inserted the saline into my uterus. I'm pleased to say everything looked great in the uterus. There were no abnormalities. However the closed up cervix presents a problem because when I go for the embryo transfer everything has to go smoothly. You don't want to aggravate the cervix or dilate on transfer day because it is not good for implantation. I now have to go in about 4 days before my transfer and my RE is going to insert a stitch into my cervix (can't wait for that). I asked what was the purpose of the stitch and he said so he could get traction and help the catheter go in straight through the canal. This is why they like to do a trial run before transfer time to make sure there are no problems on transfer day.

Happy Halloween from Roxie & Nemo.

The Ball is Rolling (Slowly)

I finally have my calendar for the FET (frozen embryo transfer) and it is December 4th. I start my drugs to prepare my uterus on Nov. 15th. It is great to have something to look forward to because it has been a long wait.

On Thursday I'm having a sonohysterogram. For those of you who don't know what this is I'll explain. A sonohysterogram is to detect abnormalities on the inside walls of the uterus. The doctor will insert saline through a soft flexible plastic catheter while an ultrasound wand is monitoring the entire thing on a computer screen. The saline is injected into the uterine cavity to separate the walls and allow the doctor to see if any abnormalities exist. I had this done prior to my last transfer in March 2008 and luckily there were no issues. I will also have a "sounding" at the same time. The "sounding" is like a mock transfer to ensure the doctor can insert the same type of catheter that will be used during the actual transfer. I'm praying that all goes well.

Other Happenings & Updates: I decided NOT to go to the shower for the girl that is just an acquaintance. I sent a gift and just said that I had a conflict and could not make it. I decided there was no reason to put myself through the agony of a shower for someone I don't even know that well. I have one more shower to attend on Nov 8th and I adore the mommy-to-be so I look forward to seeing her. She no longer lives in Atlanta but some of her friends here decided to throw her a shower so it will be nice to see her again.

I'll post again after the sonohysterogram on Thursday.

Jury Duty

I was called for Jury Duty back in August and I requested a deferment because I was about to go on vacation. Well my deferment came due today. I had to drive to a sketchy part of Atlanta at the crack of dawn (7am but seemed like the crack of dawn) and serve my county. What a LONG and drawn out process. This was the first time I've ever had to go to jury duty. They make you wait in a huge room with about 400 other people and then they call your name (after 2 hours) and send you to a court room. I was juror #67 out of #68. I went to the court room and they tell you what the trial is and then ask a bunch of "group" questions and if they apply to you then you hold up your laminated juror number. That lasted about an hour. After that they had Row 1 stay, row 2 return in 1 1/2 hrs, row 3 to return at 2.15 and row 4,5 & 6 return at 3.30. It was 11.45 AM so I had nearly 4 hours to kill. UGH! This part of Atlanta isn't the nice area with all the shops, it is the area surrounded by homeless people. I did take myself to a nice lunch and I had a great piece of homemade key lime pie.

I walked back (about 1/2 mile) to the courthouse and sat in the sunshine for about another hour. At 3.30 a large group of us waited in the hallway on hard wooden benches. And we waited and waited. They called in a few people but they only made it to #48 before they had selected their 14 jurors. This was around 6pm. We all had to file back into the courtroom and after another hour we were finally free to go. Unbelievable process and I was never in the running to be a juror. I would say an entire day wasted but it was a small lesson about how our justice system works.

In case you are wondering the trial was for a teacher that was beaten by a 17 year old female student and her mother (the mother was tried last week and got 1 year in jail).

On a happy note, I had my 3rd and final shot this morning. YEAH! I'm planning to call the RE tomorrow and see if I can get my schedule for the FET. I hope to start the process in 28 days. It is like seeing a faint light at the end of a very long tunnel.

Showers Galore

I've been invited to three baby showers over the next few weeks. Yesterday was the first of the 3 baby showers and it was for a really old friend of mine. I met her the first day of college and she lived next door to me in the dorm. I'm really showing my age but that was 24 years ago (1985). Even thought we no longer live in the same state we have always kept in touch. It was great to see my girlfriend and the shower was nice. I thought I was doing well but as I walked out the door to my car I could feel the tears building up and by the time I got into my car they were pouring down my face. It was much harder than I had imagined and it left me in a major funk the rest of the day. Shower #2 is for a girl that is more of an acquaintance than friend so I will probably just skip that one. I bought a gift and RSVP but now I'm having second thoughts. I will make the final decision based on how I'm feeling.

On the IVF side of things I take my FINAL shot on Tuesday. I'm planning to call my RE's office to see if I can get my schedule for the FET (frozen embryo transfer). According to my schedule it should be the second week of December. I will either have a wonderful Christmas or one that really sucks. I praying for a good one!

I was nominated for an award:

Thanks Rachel for nominating me for this award!

Shrimp, Shrimp & more Shrimp

I went to visit an old friend of mine in South Alabama this weekend. We met in 1990 at work and she moved back to her home in Alabama a few years later but we have always kept in touch. I drove down on Friday afternoon and got there in time for dinner. Amanda made a yummy shrimp bisque for dinner. The next morning we got up and went to the Shrimp Festival in Gulf Shores. The last time I went to this event was about 19 years ago. We had such a good time. We walked around in 80+ degrees and looked at all the awesome vendor booths and of course there were tons of food vendors. I had a basket of fried shrimp and fries. Yum! We took a walk on the beach and dipped our feet in the warm water. Before we left we split a funnel cake. Seriously when was the last time you had a funnel cake? It was just as good as I remembered. That night we went to dinner at the Original Oyster Bar and guess what I had for dinner? More shrimp. The visit flew by and after a home cooked meal with Amanda's in-laws I drove home.

I had a five hour drive home by myself and that gave me a lot of time to think. Amanda has two teenagers and as I looked around her house at all the pictures of her children growing up I thought to myself that is what I want. I want to have cute drawings hanging on my refrigerator, I want pictures of my child sitting on Santa's lap, I want so many things but most of all I want a baby.

I only have 5 weeks left of menopause. I take my last shot next Tuesday and hopefully 4 weeks later I will start the drugs for my transfer. Stay Tuned.

I DID IT!

I DID IT! I walked a 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles) and I did it in under 3 hours. My unofficial time is 2.57. It was much hillier than I had anticipated but it was fun. Sarah & I were able to maintain a pace of 14 minute miles so there was no fear of the bus picking us up. (If you were unable to walk the entire race in less than 3hr 30 min there was a bus that would pick you up so they could open the roads back up).

I've had a busy week. My in-laws were visiting for 6 days and we had a nice visit. I made a huge lasagna on Thursday and invited my dad and stepmother to join us for dinner. I think everyone was impressed with dinner because they all know I don't like to cook and somehow my dad thinks this translates to I can't cook. I can I just don't care to.

My bible study started back this week. The group that puts it on is Church 4 Chicks and this fall

our study is called "Wisdom is a Girls Best Friend". I think the timing is perfect because I need an outlet to get close to God again and soften my heart. My girlfriend sent me an e-mail recently and said that she thought about me while doing her devotional last week. One thing she sent me was "Patience means awaiting God's time without doubting God's love". I like that.

Here is a shot of my well earned t-shirt. I just hope I'm not hobbling around like an old woman tomorrow. Cheers!

Shot #2

Well 2 down and one to go!  I had my second shot on Tuesday night and it wasn't nearly as painful as shot #1.  

We survived the Georgia floods with only a little water in the basement.  The pictures of the local floods on the news have been unbelievable and quite sad.  There were 9 deaths (one of a two year old boy ripped from his fathers arms by the strong currents).   My county was declared a federal disaster area and yet we escaped from the devastation.  I know this was only by the grace of God.  The picture to the left is of my driveway.

On a happier note, I've been staying busy.  I went to Martinis and IMAX tonight.  The movie was the Living Sea - Get Swept Away, narrated by Meryl Streep.  It was a beautiful film and the soundtrack was written and sung by Sting.  Tomorrow night I am going to see the country band Sugarland at an outdoor venue.  That should be interesting since we have an 80% chance of rain and flash flood warning.  It will be an adventure.

EDIT to my last post:  I do think walking is boring, but wanted to say that my walking partner Sarah is NOT boring - she ROCKS!

Snake Ahead

My friend Sarah & I walked 10.6 miles on Saturday (in the pouring rain).  Around the 5 mile marker we almost stepped on a Copperhead snake.  Lucky for us it was already dead.  We were on a trail for walkers/runners & bikers so I have to assume a biker must have run over it.  Between the pouring rain and the snake it was one of the most adventurous walks I've been on.  I will be so glad when the half marathon gets here (2 weeks to go).  I've decided that walking isn't near as fun as running and in fact it is downright boring.  My walking partner Sarah has a theory and I might have to agree with her.  She said when you run you are concentrating on breathing and staying alive and so you don't spend near as much time wondering when you will be done.  We were soaked after our walk so we decided a nice brunch at I-HOP was just the cure for aching prune feet.  So much for burning off all those calories!

Where is God?

This week in the local news a newborn baby was abandoned in a storm drain.  The 18 year old mother showed up at the hospital and said she had just given birth and placed the baby in a trash receptacle at a gas station.  When the police searched the area they didn't find the baby. Upon talking to the 19 year old father they found out that he had placed the baby in a muddy storm drain.  It has been raining for a solid week here.  The baby boy was found alive, but died a few hours after being taken to the hospital.  The couple said the baby was born dead and they didn't know what to do with him, however the police report the baby was in good health, alive and making noise when they found him.  This could have been avoided because Georgia has a Safe Place for Newborns Act of 2002 which allows a mother to leave her newborn baby within seven days of birth at any hospital in Georgia. 

I can't help but think why did God bless this young couple with a baby when they had planned to discard it like a bundle of trash?  Where is my baby?  Why won't God bless me with a baby?  This has been such a rough 2.9 years and when I hear about something so henious as putting a tiny newborn in a storm drain without a second thought I just can't help but wonder why God would allow this.  I know we all have free will and that couple will have to answer to God for their actions but why them?  When I heard this story on the news I could feel my heart start harden towards God.  I'm angry and bitter and discouraged and disappointed and the list goes on and on.

I want God to bless me and lift this pain from my broken heart.  I want to believe in miracles and prayer.  I want to be a mother!

Shower

I went to the couples shower for my friend J on Saturday and had a nice time.  It was basically like an adult party, lots of alcohol and yummy party food and a big stack of gifts wrapped in cute baby paper (okay that was the not so normal part of the party).  I just avoided that area of the house so I could continue to pretend like this was just a party.  We stayed about 2 hours and when it came time for the gifts to be opened I chicken out and went home.  I felt bad that I just couldn't stay, but I felt like leaving was in my best interest.  My friend J looked really beautiful with her big twins belly and her pregnancy glow.  She has had a really rough pregnancy so it was nice to see her acting like her normal social self.  She hugged me when I left and told me how much it meant for me to be there and I was happy to have been able to share the evening with her.

Tanning Bed?

I was at the gym on Wednesday and my trainer said "have you been in the tanning bed?"  I said "no, why am I red?"  He said "yes" and I said "well I'm having a hot flash".  My neck and chest were beet red and I felt like I was on fire from the inside out.  He then asked me if it was because I was old or because of the medicine.  As I punched him in his big bicep, I said it is the medicine.  It is really funny because he knows everything going on with me in my quest to get pregnant.  He even explained to a mutual friend of mine that I was going through menopause right now and she asked why and he said because I had a hostile uterus that I was trying to correct.

The other bad side effects I've been experiencing are headaches, trouble sleeping and night sweats.  I had a really bad headache last night that turned into a migraine and caused me to be late to work.  I would have loved to call in sick but I had way to much that needed to be done.  Luckily my darling doctor husband loaded me up with drugs and I was able to drag myself to work.

Tomorrow is the couples shower for my friend J that is pregnant with twins.  I visited with J on Monday and when I mentioned that one of the kitties nibbled off the corner of her gift she said are you really coming to the shower because I would totally understand if you couldn't handle it.  I told her I was planning to come and she burst into tears and told me that it meant so much to her because she knew how hard this would be.  I'm so glad that she understands and it makes me really want to do this for her.  Maybe the acupuncturist can work a little magic on me to keep my emotions under control.  At least my hubby will be there with me (and my friend Sarah).

The 1/2 marathon is less than one month away.  (The one I'm walking).   Sarah & I had a practice walk on Saturday and we did quite well.  We walked 11 1/2 miles in 3 hours.  It was fun but I got a huge blister on my heel.  Unbelievable.  I ran a marathon and didn't get a blister like the one I just got.  It seems to be much better and I put some different insoles in my shoes so hopefully I will have better luck this week.  I walked 5 miles last night and my feet felt fine.

Thanks to all those who have served or are currently serving our country in the armed forces.  I have 2 nephews that are in the Army and I'm so very proud of them.

HOT! HOT! HOT!

The hot flashes have begun.  They are so strange, it feels like you are heating up from the inside out.  It seems like the last time I went through medical menopause that nothing really happened in the first month.  I've only had a couple of flashes but I can tell the "fun" is just around the corner.

It is hard having an infertility blog and nothing related going on.  I guess this will just be a ME blog for the next 3 months.  I hope I don't bore everyone to death over the next 3 months.  It was nice to have an extra day off this weekend.  I didn't do much but I did get to visit my friend J that is pregnant with twins.  It is bittersweet to see her.  She and I were running partners and we use to work together.  We spent many hours together running and training for our 1/2 marathons and then our full marathon.  We would run together at least 4 days every week.  Then I started trying to get pregnant in January 2007 and she started in May 2007.  Nothing happened for either one of us.  I went to see an RE and a few months later she followed behind me to see the same RE.  After her first unsuccessful IVF she decided to go to the famous Colorado clinic and now she is 22 weeks pregnant with twins.  I could not more thrilled for her but we both hoped to be able to go through this together and have our babies at the same time.  She is due to deliver the same month that I have my transfer - December.  Her baby shower is this weekend and I'm planning to attend.  I was not able to attend my sister-in-laws shower because I was so raw from IVF #3.  My friend J is having an evening couples shower and since I get to take my husband with me I think it will be okay.  

Random Act of Kindness

I received this card in the mail yesterday from my aunt in Indiana.  It said on the outside "Hello" and then inside "hope you know how often we think of you and pray for you".   I only see my aunt & uncle about once every two years, so I'm not as close to them as I'd like to be but I just wanted to say that this random act of kindness really put a smile on my face.  Sometimes just knowing someone is thinking about you and praying for you can make all the difference in the world.   My aunt wrote in the card that she was thinking about me as she studied Luke 1 & 2, how God blessed Elizabeth with child when she didn't think it was possible.  She wrote that God's plans are perfect and best but it is hard sometimes waiting for his perfect timing.  I have to admit I've been a bit mad at God lately.  I think that is a normal feeling and all children get mad at their parents from time to time.  I wish I could look into the future and know what God's plan for my life are.  The waiting is so hard and I still have 3 longs months to endure.

Thanks Melva & Darrel for the beautiful and thoughtful card.  It really meant a lot to me at this dark time in my life.

Stop Thinking

Stop Thinking.  This was the advice I got from my acupuncturist yesterday after I told her everything I was going through right now.  I told her that I felt discouraged and sad about how bad my uterus was and the fact that I have to do 3 months of menopause.  She said that I needed to trust the doctors and spend the next 3 months reading books and maybe planning a trip.  She also said that I could talk to her when I felt bad.   Another friend of mine suggested going to see a therapist but I don't think I'm at that stage just yet.  I'm not really sure what anyone could say to me to make me feel better or enlighten me.  It is what it is.  I've just entered menopause and I need to find a way to make the next 3 months pass by quickly.

Speaking of passing the time away I am planning to walk a 1/2 marathon in October.  You have to be able to walk at 16 minute mile pace or a bus will pick you up if you are unable to maintain that pace.  Talk about an incentive to walk quickly.  I walked 5 miles yesterday at an average pace of 14.40 and that was with some nice hills thrown in.  It will be a new experience to walk in a "race" since in my life before IF (infertility) I was a runner.  I've actually run 4 1/2 marathons (with a finish time always just under 2 hours) and I ran the Marine Corp marathon in Washington DC in 2006.  Now I'm off to pass a little time away.

1 Down 2 to Go

The first shot is done, only 2 more to go!  I'm trying to think positive but that is so hard to do.  The thought of spending the next 90 days in menopause is enough to drive a girl to eat cake and ice cream.  I actually had a piece of cake today at work.  It cheered me up for about the amount of time it took to eat it.  I'm having Chinese food for dinner so maybe a little more comfort food will do the job.

Back to the huge 2 inch needle on the shot - yikes it hurt!  Of course my DH is saying don't clinch and what did I do?  Clinched up!  How can you control that?  My mind is sending signals to my body is saying "don't do this".   I guess I forgot how painful an intramuscular shot can be.  My hat goes off to all the girls who do intramuscular progesterone shots.  All my progesterone has been vaginal suppositories.  I was limping around last night and my booty still hurts today.  I think I will use that and the rain for the reason I didn't go for a run or get on the elliptical when I got home from work.

Thanks to everyone for all the lovely comments this week.  I really needed all those virtual hugs and real hugs from my in-real life friends. 

Pity Party

Today was back to reality day.  Back to work and back to facing the fact that I'm infertile.  It is so easy to forget all your worries when you are on a fabulous vacation.  Even though I was receiving my shot each morning while on vacation I just pushed everything else to the back of my mind.  Yesterday I started thinking about the biopsy results and when they might come back and hopefully it would be by the end of this week, etc.  Well I got a call TODAY and the results were back and they were ABNORMAL - again.  I was so crushed.  My doctor left a message with the results and requested I call him back.  He even gave me his cell phone number to contact him.  I'm glad I had time to process the results before I actually spoke to him.  I got up and shut my office door and had a little cry before I called him back. 

 At this point I have two options 1. medical menopause (induced with 1 Lupron Depot shot each month for 3 months) or 2. use a surrogate.  That's it.  Neither of us wants to use a surrogate so I'm going to do the 3 months of menopause - AGAIN.  I will take my first shot on Wednesday (if the pharmacy gets it in time).  One shot is $650.00 and not covered by insurance.  I know I should not complain because so much of our infertility has been covered by insurance which has been a real blessing.  It is so hard for me to understand why I cannot catch a break.  I've given up so much and sacrificed so much and it feels like it has all been for nothing.  I'm no closer to getting pregnant than I was on the day we started trying to conceive.  I have 3 perfect frozen embryos and a crappy uterus.  I've been doing weekly acupuncture since November (also not covered by insurance) and my uterus doesn't seem to be any better, however I did get some nice embryos after I started going regularly so I guess it hasn't been a total waste.  

I'm having a pity party for one tonight.  I just feel so beaten down, discouraged and really let down by God.  There are so many people praying for me and I'm praying for a miracle and it just seems to be falling on deaf ears.  I know God has a plan for me but I really feel like it doesn't include a family of my own.

I'm going back to my pity party which doesn't include cake and ice cream.  Maybe it should. 

Roatan Vacation Part 2

Our vacation is passing by too fast.  I can't believe it is already Wednesday.  We are having a great time and have been spending a lot more time underwater than above water.  

I've pushed my infertility issues out of my mind for the week but it seems to be surfacing in my subconscious because the last 2 nights I've dreamed I was pregnant.  There is no chance of that happening on this trip since AF followed me on the trip.  So much for a romantic vacation.

We dove a wreck site today and we saw 12 groupers just hanging around.  There was one very friendly grouper who was interested in what I was doing. He was so close I was able to reach out my hand and actually touch him.  As you can see he was huge (about 30 - 40 lbs and 3 feet long).  I normally love to eat grouper but now I will feel guilty the next time I'm in a restaurant and see grouper on the menu.

We will be doing 4 dives tomorrow.  Three during the day and then one night dive.  Those are the best because you see a lot of sea life that normally hides during the day.  It is also feeding time at night and the ocean is a whole different place during the dark.  I'll post again tomorrow.

Roatan Vacation Part 1

We left Atlanta on Saturday for a dive vacation in Roatan (an island off the coast of Honduras).  It is beautiful here and the diving has been amazing.  We came here about 3 years ago during Thanksgiving and it rained every single day.  When our plane landing it started to rain and we both said "oh no not again".  However, it stopped raining, the sun came out and it has been gorgeous ever since.  On Sunday we got up early (the downside to diving) and went for our first dive at 8.15 am.  We saw a crab whose pinches were as thick as my forearms, he could have feed a family of 4.  We also saw a huge green moray eel tucked in a hole but if he had of been swimming he would have been about 6 feet long.  His body was about 25 inches around.   We did a second dive around 11am and a third dive around 2.30.  Day two was the same thing, lots of diving and neat stuff under water.  

Day 3 (today) we did 2 morning dives and then we went around the mountain to different resort to do a dolphin dive.  This resort has a dolphin sanctuary and they have a lot

 of dolphins that live in huge corrals.  They have trained 3 large males to come out to a dive sight and interact with the divers.  When we got there they take you to one of the corrals and introduce you to one of the other dolphins.  You get to touch the dolphin and watch it do some tricks. This is to give you a background on dolphins.  We even got to touch the dolphins teeth.  Little did we know this would be the closest we would get to a dolphin because the dolphin dive was a BUST.  We dove for 45 minutes and the 3 males never joined us.  I guess that goes to show that even though you train a wild animal they are still wild and have a mind of their own.  At least we got a refund.

Our condo is the on the top floor (left side) of this building and is very nice.  We have seen some really pretty hummingbirds and the grounds and pool are incredible. 

Tomorrow will be more diving and a new adventure.

Lovely Blog Award

I just found out I was awarded the Lovely Blog award by 3 different girls.  How cool is this.  Kelli at Life, Love and TTC Mysteries sent me the award, then Melissa at What? IF?!, then I got a third award from Jenicini at Trying to get knocked up by another man.  Thanks girls for taking the time to read my blog.  I can't wait to read your blogs and see what you are going through.  It is so nice to know someone else going through the same thing who can relate to you.

Biopsy Bliss

I had the biopsy today for the EFT (endometrial function test).  The biopsy will be sent via FedEX to the doctor at Yale that created the test.  The results should be back in 2-3 weeks and I'm praying for a normal test result.

I'm going to explain how the biopsy is performed so if you are squeamish you might want to skip this part.  First thing after the speculum was inserted the doctor sprayed my cervix with a numbing spray.  This spray burns really bad to the point my toes were curling and I was moaning "Holy Cow That HURTS", the next step is when the doctor says okay now you will feel a little pinch as he inserts a needle full of numbing medicine into the cervix.  A little pinch is a gross understatement.  As this happened I was moaning "this REALLY hurts".  The spray was in order to allow him to give me the injection.  I cannot even imagine what this test would be like if I wasn't numbed up.  After everything is numb he then inserts a long 16 inch plastic tube through the cervix into the uterus and pinches off a bit of the uterus.  The minute that tube hits the cervix there is a revolt by the cervix and it starts to cramp.  And I mean really cramp.  I'm about to hyperventilate while I try to take some deep breaths and he tells me to count to 10 really slow.  Then it is over.  Just like that.  The cramping lasts about 5 more minutes and I'm done.  Thank God for small miracles.  I went and had some lunch and then went back to work.

After reading that description I hope you get a realization of just what I went through because this next bit is about the last biopsy I had back in June.  I went through all of the above steps and right after the doctor handed the nurse the biopsy in a little cup I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye.  I immediately said "did you just drop that?" and she had.  A little piece of my uterus was laying on the floor in a puddle of stinking preservation liquid.  YES the test had to be repeated (minus the numbing spray & shot).  The nurse said that was the first time anything like that had happened to her and she was almost in tears as she went to get another little container for round 2.  That same nurse today asked someone else to assist with the biopsy because she still felt so bad about what happened.  

The only good thing that happened today was I get to stop the messy progesterone suppositories and the estrace (estrogen) pills.  I have to continue with my morning shot of Lupron because hopefully the test will come back normal and I will be able to transfer the embryos back to my uterus in September.

Quotes to Remember

I read this quote yesterday and it seemed appropriate for everything I've been going through.

I have learned to live each day as it comes, and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow.  It is the dark menace of the future that makes cowards of us. ~ Dorothy Dix

My biopsy is tomorrow and I'm really trying not to dread it (even though I know it is really painful).  I'm trying to not be scared about what the results might be.  I've been praying constantly for the results to be normal so I can proceed with the embryo transfer in September.

I'll post again tomorrow and let everyone know how it goes.

I took the below picture in my back yard.  We have a brick wall and this "flower" was growing in the middle of it.  It just goes to show no matter how impossible something seems the impossible can happen.  I think this is God's way of reminding me that it only takes one little seed to grow something beautiful.

Biopsy Bound

I went for blood work today and my E2 rose to 190 so I am starting the next step of the process tonight which is the progesterone suppositories.  I am now taking an injection in the morning, 2 pill orally 3 times a day and 1 suppository vaginally 3 times a day.  I think I've got all my bases covered now.  I have the alarm set on my phone to remind me of all the stuff I need to do and when I need to do it.

The big bad biopsy is scheduled for next Wednesday August 12th.  For those of you that are my prayer warriors, please pray that the results come back normal so I can do the embryo transfer in September.  If for some reason the results come back abnormal then I will have to do one injection a month of Lupron Depot for 3 months.  This is NOT FUN!  The monthly injection puts me into menopause and while not having a period for 3 months is great, the hot flashes, night sweats and mood swings are NOT worth the trade off.  I now know what menopause feels like and I'm not looking forward to it.  (The reason I know this is I did the Lupron Depot injections last summer).   Last summer during my last month of medical menopause we went on an Alaskan cruise.  I was probably the only woman under the age of 50 standing on her private balcony in her bra & panties trying to cool down.  My husband got a kick out of that, while he stayed in the heated cabin under a blanket.

Stings like a Bee

Have you ever been stung by a bee?  It really hurts!  It is amazing that something so small can inflict so much pain.  That is what Thursday felt like to me.  We had cake day at work to celebrate all the July birthdays and since my birthday was in July I felt obligated to go have a piece of cake.  I saw a girl that had just returned from maternity leave and I asked her how her new baby was doing.  Her response was "he's a pain in the ass".  I'm not making this up.  How do you even respond to that?  I wanted to shake her and say "be thankful, he is a gift from God".  Maybe she was tired or having a bad day, who knows.  She told me it took her 10 years to get pregnant with her first child (no medical intervention) and then six months after giving birth she was knocked up again.  You would think that someone that went that long childless would be even more thankful for their children.  

Then later in the same day I saw a girl in my division who is normally slim and wears fitted outfits wearing something quite baggy.  I asked another girl if E was pregnant and she said yes she is 3 months along.  About four months ago a girl brought in her new baby to show him off and we were all standing around cooing over him when E said we want to have another baby and I'm going to have my IUD taken out next month.  I swear E got pregnant the day after having her IUD taken out.  UGH!  Some days I feel like I cannot catch a break.  I know life isn't fair, blah, blah, blah.  But it does feel a bit like being stung like a bee.  Painful.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my blood work and ultrasound.  My lining measured at 8.8 which is really good, but my estrogen level was only 125 and my doctor wants it to be around 175 - 200 before I start the progesterone.  I have to go back on Tuesday for another blood draw and then I'll know if I can start the progesterone.  I certainly hope so because we are leaving for vacation on Aug 15 and I NEED to have the biopsy before we leave town.

Yesterday's History and Tomorrow's a Mystery

I'm just dropping in to say nothing much is going on right now.  I'm still talking my Estrace pills and Lupron injections every day.  I just looked at the calendar and realized I've had at least one injection every day for almost 60 days.  Wow, that is a lot of shots.  My DH comes in every morning on his way out the door and gives me my morning injection along with a kiss goodbye.  I barely even wake up when he gives me the injection.  How sad is that.  

I have an appointment on Friday morning for blood work and an ultrasound to determine if I'm ready to start progesterone suppositories (yuck).  This will be the last drug that I have to introduce into the "mix" in order to get my body ready for the biopsy.  This protocol will be the same one I'll be on before transferring the embryos back into my uterus.  

I'll check back on Friday with an update.

Forgotten Pleasures

When you are going through an IVF cycle there are so many things you have to give up, such as,caffeine, anti-inflammatory drugs, allergy medicines, ALCOHOL, vigorous exercise (such as running) and the list goes on and on.  I refer to this period of time as "being pure".  A friend of mine even went on a special diet that excluded wheat and dairy products.  That was a bit too hard core for me and I've already made so many sacrifices I just couldn't handle the diet on top of everything else.

I recently been reintroducing all the above back into my  life.  I am having a nice ice tea with lunch, I ran 3 miles on Thursday and I then took an anti-inflammatory afterwards and the last two weekends I reintroduced a bit of alcohol back into the mix.  Of course last night I reintroduced a bit too much alcohol to my body and I was paying for it this morning.  I drank a ton of water and I'm feeling better now.  When I went for my weekly acupuncture visit this afternoon I didn't mention the alcohol because my acupuncturist frown on alcohol consumption.  

A quick update as to the status of things: I'm still taking my daily Lupron shot and I'm taking Estrace pills twice a day.  By my estimates the biopsy will be around August 12 or 13th, right before our holiday.

New Blogger

Welcome New Readers.  This is my first time to participate in International Comment Leaving Week (IComLeavWe).  I am a very new blogger but not new to the world of infertility.  I just finished my 5th IVF and we did CGH testing and froze the embryos.  You can read my first post on June 4th and June 11th to get the background on.

For my family and friends I'm sure you are wondering what the heck I'm talking about.  There is a very famous blogger (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com) and she has a list of blogs each month and you choose 5 to read each day and leave comments.  This is a good way to learn about other girls experiences and offer support to them and receive support from them.

I hope everyone enjoys my blog.  It has been a great experience to be able to put into words my feelings and share this with my family and friends.  Thanks for reading!

Birthday Wishes Do Come True

I had a fantastic birthday weekend.  It started with dinner on Friday night with my girlfriends.  Thanks girls for the wonderful dinner and yummy margaritas - cheers!  Then on Saturday night my hubby took me for a nice romantic dinner and he even bought me a sweet romantic card (not typical for him).  My weekend ended with my mom going to church with me, then brunch at Flying Biscuit and a funny play at Ansley Park Playhouse called Sunday at Loehmans.

My birthday wish that came true was I got a phone call right when I was walking out the door to church from my RE.  The results from the CGH testing came back.  We have 2 normal embryos out of the seven that were tested.  Unbelievable!  I am on cloud nine with this news.  This is such a sign of encouragement from God.

The next big hurdle is to get my uterine lining corrected.  This is the last major issue I'm dealing with before I get the green light to transfer the embryos back into my uterus.  I will have a biopsy in about 25-27 days and it will take about 3 weeks for the test results to come back.  I'm still doing my daily shot of Lupron and I will start taking Estrace this week (natural estrogen tablets).  My RE is hoping that the mock transfer drugs will correct the issues with my lining.  I guess I 'll know if it works in about 5 or six weeks.

Below is me celebrating one more year!

The F Word

In my house the bad "F" word is forty or in my case 40 something.   Today is my birthday and I'm one year older and one more year into my advanced maternal age.  The older you get the less time you have for baby making.

Pregnancy rates over the course of one year)

Source: Management of the Infertile Woman by Helen A. Carcio and The Fertility Sourcebook by M. Sara Rosenthal

A woman's fertility starts to measurably decline around age 27, due to the depletion and aging of her eggs. For those under 30, it's estimated that the chance of getting pregnant in any one cycle is 20% to 30%. By age 40, it falls to 5%, according to the American Fertility Association.

Those are some scary rates.  At age 42 I have a 5% chance of getting pregnant naturally and given all my problems I doubt I could ever get pregnant without major medical intervention.  I know God can work miracles and I hope with him and the wonderful advancements in medicine I'll reach that goal sooner rather than later.

I'm off to get ready and go out with the girls for a fun night of food, margaritas and a little live music.  The hubby is taking me to a posh restaurant tomorrow night.  I plan to spend this weekend focusing on me and not my infertility.

I wanted to post a shout out to my wonderful parents.  I'm lucky enough to have 2 full sets and I thank God for giving me such wonderful parents.  I hope when I do have a baby I can be as wonderful to my child as my parents have been to me.  I love you very much.

Lucky 7

I got a call from my RE today and one more embryo made it the the blastocyst stage.  This call did not come until 5:02pm.  I was suffering all day wondering what was going on with my group of slow growing embryos.   I feel like I got a bit of encouragement from God today with this news.  Seven embryos will be tested and hopefully we won't be waiting too long on the results.

The Waiting Game

Remember how hard it was when you were a kid waiting on Christmas or your birthday?  That is what these past 5 days have seemed like.  I did get some very good news from my RE today.  As of today I had 13 embryos and 6 made it to the blastocyst stage.  These were biopsied and immediately frozen.  The lab is watching the other seven embryos and hopefully some of them will make it to the blastocyst stage tomorrow and those will also be frozen (they were biopsied today).  The biopsy's of each embryo were sent to the fancy lab for CGH (genetic testing).  The results will be back in 2 - 6 weeks.

The next step is for me to continue my daily shot of Lupron and wait for AF to start.  Once my period begins I will start taking natural estrogen and on cycle day 25 I'll have another biopsy of my uterine lining.  My RE is hoping that the drugs used when transferring the embryos back into the uterus will help straighten out my lining issues.  If so, then I will be able to transfer the frozen embryos in September.  If NOT, then I will do 3 long months of medically induced menopause and that will delay the embryo transfer until December or January 2010.  

We started our baby making process in January 2007 - two and 1/2 long years ago.  I am really praying for the best.  I know God has a plan but it is so hard to understand the timing of his plan.  I am attaching a link to my church message this past Sunday.  It is about 32 minutes long and it was so powerful for anyone waiting for something in their life.  I felt as though this message was written just for me.  I have felt such utter despair and depression throughout this process.  I try to live my life and not let my infertility rule my life but it is a struggle.

Here is the link:  http://www.buckheadchurch.org/messages .  Then click on The Waiting Room, message Forgotten 7/12/09.  After hearing this message my prayer to God is "I need your encouragement.  I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm scared and I'm worn out.  I'm going to choose to believe that you haven't forgotten me and that you are preparing me."  Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me.  Please don't stop now.

The Long Wait

I got the update call from my RE today and the good news is out of 26 eggs, 20 were mature and 16 were fertilized.  That is excellent news and now the next big hurtle will be to see how many make it to day 5 (blastocyst stage).  The wait until Monday will feel like forever and it is always scary wondering how many are going to "make it".

I had to go to work today because it is quarter end and I've got a huge reporting package that is due on Friday.  I felt okay today but I'm extremely bloated.  What normally happens is all the follicles fill up with fluid after the eggs are extracted.  The full fluid filled follicles make me so bloated that it is hard to take a deep breath.  It feels like something is pressing on my diaphragm.  I have to follow a low sodium diet to help with the bloating.  I go back to acupuncture on Saturday so hopefully that will help with the bloating.

Here are a few "fun" facts as to what it took to get to this point:  50 shots in the belly, 7 blood draws, 7 vaginal ultrasounds and countless acupuncture sessions.  Not to mention lots of very early appointments to avoid missing time from the office.

The Lonely Uterus

Today was the big day!  We had to be at the clinic at 6am and my retrieval was at 7.30.  My RE came in early so that he could personally do the retrieval himself.  Now for the VERY good news he got a whooping 26 eggs.  Not bad for someone that is 9 days away from turning 42 years old.  I am pleased by the awesome number and now I'm patiently waiting to see how many of the 26 are mature and will be fertilized.  The next report will be tomorrow afternoon.

The next major hurtle will be for the embryos to continue to grow and make it to the blastocyst stage which normally occurs on day 5.  Boring and feel free to skip -  definition of a blastocyst - an embryo that has developed for five to seven days after fertilization and has developed 2 distinct cell types and a central cavity filled with fluid (blastocoel cavity). The cells in a blastocyst have just started to differentiate.  The blastocyst embryo transfer done on day 5 - at a more "natural" time for the embryos to be in the uterus, and very shortly before actual invasion and embryo implantation.

However many embryos that make it to this stage (and these will be the creme de la creme) will be sent off for CGH testing.  This is HUGE news as I will be the first patient from my clinic to have their embryos sent for CGH testing.  This is the testing cutting edge for at the very famous Colorado (CCRM) clinic.  My embryos will be sent to the same lab that CCRM uses.  CGH testing allows for the testing of all 23 chromosomes vs. PGD testing that only tests 9 chromosomes on day 3.  

I'm praying for lots of my embryos to make it to the blastocyst stage.  I figure like any good party the more the merrier.

I headed back to the couch as my pain meds seem to be wearing off now.