Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Black Cloud Continues to Linger

This black cloud will not go away. I have been suffering from altitude sickness since we got here. We arrived on Sunday and after checking into the hotel we went to the grocery store. When we got back I had a killer headache so my DH told me to lay down for a while and then we would go to dinner. This was at 5:45. I never did get up because my headache would not go away. Poor DH ate trail mix and Oreos for dinner. I woke up feeling better on Monday and we went skiing and had a great day. I had a slight headache but not too bad. We went skiing again yesterday and the conditions were perfect. The picture is of me yesterday and as you can see the sun is shining and it wasn't too cold (around 18-20 degrees). I scheduled a massage yesterday afternoon and I think it unleashed some major toxins. After the massage I felt so nauseous. I got ready for dinner and DH & I went to a yummy Mexican restaurant across from our hotel. We ordered dinner and some made at your table guacamole which is my favorite. By the time it arrived I felt horrible and could not eat. We had to have our dinner (which had not even arrived yet) boxed up to go and I had to come back and get into bed (at 7:45). Poor DH had to eat his dinner in the room. The nausea lasted until around 2am and then a headache replaced it. DH is out skiing this morning while I try to shake off the remains of my headache. Our waitress last night told us about an Oxygen bar near our hotel so I might go check it out later. It is supposed to be good for altitude sickness. I hope to be able to go out and join DH skiing later today.

Also, my period still hasn't started. I'm worried that the minor spotting I experienced last week might have been it or maybe my HGC has to return to zero before it will start. It has been 4 1/2 weeks since the D&C. This is so frustrating because this just delays my next transfer.

Hopefully my next post will be a bit more uplifting.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Nemo on the attack

My cat sitter S has a little poodle named Pip. Both of them are staying at my house this week. Pip spends his time ignoring the kitties. Roxie (my black and white kitty) is very friendly to everyone but Nemo is a shy big kitty. Nemo will just sit and watch Pip for hours at a time. When S first arrived at my house she feed the kitties and the first mistake Pip made was he tried to eat Nemo's dinner. Nemo LOVES his dinner. I guess Nemo decided he needed to show Pip who was boss. Watch the video and if you have any problems I posted it on You Tube.

Just in case you were wondering Pip was not harmed because Nemo is declawed.

I'll post about our trip tomorrow. Having a nice time.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Black Cloud

I think I have a black cloud hanging over my head. We left the house at 10 a.m. this morning and headed to the airport to start our fabulous ski vacation. Only to return home 7 hours later.

Our flight was delayed an hour and then finally we boarded the plane only to hear an announcement that we were going to be further delayed. Then the pilot announced the delay would be 2 hours and we could get off the plane if we wanted but we would be taking off at 3pm. We decided to get off and sit comfortably in the terminal. An hour later we were asked to go retrieve our belongings from the plane because the flight was cancelled due to bad weather (translated lots & lots of snow in Vail). The good news is we were able to extend our return home by one day and the airline did not charge us for the change. Good news/bad news we were able to get a partial refund on our hotel room for tonight and book an extra night (at full cost) but we will have to switch from a studio to a smaller room. The bad news we had to cancel our rental car with a very low rate and book a new car with a very high rate.

And we get to do it all again tomorrow and the snow continues to fall in Vail. I really hope we get there without any major delays because we really need a vacation!

On a totally different note, my HCG is down to 6.9. I was very disappointed that it hasn't gone back to zero yet. I wonder if this is holding up the start of my period. I have been spotting a little bit all week but no period yet. I'm sure it is waiting until I go on vacation.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Looking Forward

I just looked at the date of my last post and realized it has been over a week since my last post. I can honestly say not too much has been going on lately. I am feeling much better physically and emotionally which is a good thing. I'm sitting around waiting for my period to start so I can move forward with my next transfer.

I met with my doctor today for my failed IVF follow up. Of course I know why the IVF failed because I transferred a CHG tested embryo that had a false negative. It is so sad that after 3 years and many medical procedures I finally get pregnant with a baby that NEVER had a chance to be born. I really am focusing my efforts on moving forward and I am trying very hard to not look backwards.

I do have an upcoming vacation to take my mind off the past month. We are leaving Saturday for a 7 day ski trip in Breckenridge Colorado. I can't wait and I'm sure I'll have lots of lovely snow and mountain pictures to post and some uplifting fun posts next week.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Where is Lady Luck?

I got a call from my RE yesterday and he received the tissue test results from the D&C. The embryo was ABNORMAL and tested positive for Trisomy 22. This should NOT have happened because we had the embryos genetically tested with CGH (not PGD) and I somehow managed to fall into the 9% error rate group. I’m on a roll with the bad luck when it comes to get pregnant. The lab apologized to my doctor and said they were going to re-test their original slides to see what went wrong. They also told my doctor that if I did another IVF they would do the testing for free. The testing was outrageously expensive (double what PGD costs). This is the same lab that CCRM uses and has such a great success rate. Not to mention that their “next time free” offer does me any good because I think 5 IVF’s is plenty for me. I’m done with that stage of IVF. I still have one frozen CGH tested embryo so I’m praying that is truly normal and I hope the lab can reexamine the slide to ensure it is normal.

In case you need a biology lesson to understand what the heck trisomy means, it is an extra chromosome. You have 23 pairs of chromosomes and an extra chromosome attached to an existing chromosome always leads to an abnormality. Trisomy 21 is Down syndrome. Trisomy 22 almost always results in a miscarriage (2nd leading cause of spontaneous miscarriage).

So the good news is they found out the problem and why I lost the baby. The bad news is this really should not have happened to a CGH tested embryo.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Worst was yet to come

It has been ages since I've posted mainly because nothing much has been going on. I went to the doctor for my post-op appointment on Friday and my HGC level has dropped to 48. I'm glad that it has dropped down quickly but I wish it was down to zero. I have to do another blood draw this Friday to check it again. I guess I will continue to repeat until it is back to zero. We are still waiting on the D&C tissue testing to find out what went wrong. The results should be back in 1 or 2 weeks from now. I discussed with Dr. T when we can try again and he said I can start the Lupron shots on day 21 of my next cycle. I'm patiently waiting on my period to start and then I will begin my count down to day 21. Based on my calculations the next transfer will be around April 1st.

To back up a week - last Friday (1 week after the D&C) was one of the worst days of my life (physically). I started cramping, bleeding and passing clots around 4am. I got up at 6am and took a Percocet so I could make it to work. It was the last working day of the month and I had some things that HAD to be done. I called my Dr and he actually called me back himself. He said the belated bleeding was common and not to worry unless the bleeding was out of control. I started to feel a bit better so I made it in to work but people knew something was wrong with me because I could barely walk upright. I stayed in my office as much as possible and accomplished several tasks through my Percocet haze. I was forced to take a 2nd Percocet around noon (big mistake) and at 2pm I was had completed the most pressing tasks and I came home. I had the beginnings of a migraine (thanks to the Percocet) and the cramping was really picking up. I immediately went to bed with my heating pad only to be woken up around 5pm feeling like I was dying. My head felt like it was going to explode and my uterus felt like it was about to fall out. I'm lucky that my DH is a doctor so I had someone to assure me that I wasn't going to die and that I didn't need to go to the ER. I was so naive. I thought that the D&C would help me to avoid most of the miscarriage side effects. I stayed in bed the remainder of Friday and the next day everything was fine and all bleeding had stopped. Just like nothing had ever happened.

This past week I've been in a real funk. I'm sad, depressed, and angry. I know these are normal feelings and that I have to give myself time to grieve. I'm just really tired of being on the infertility roller coaster. There is nothing fun about this and after 3+ years of trying I'm worn out. I hate the fact that I can't "try" again until almost April. That seems so far away. I want instant gratification. I'm tired of being patient and thinking positive. Losing my first pregnancy ever has drained me and a little piece of my heart died with the baby. The question I keep asking myself is when will it be my turn and will it ever be my turn?