Shot #2

Well 2 down and one to go!  I had my second shot on Tuesday night and it wasn't nearly as painful as shot #1.  

We survived the Georgia floods with only a little water in the basement.  The pictures of the local floods on the news have been unbelievable and quite sad.  There were 9 deaths (one of a two year old boy ripped from his fathers arms by the strong currents).   My county was declared a federal disaster area and yet we escaped from the devastation.  I know this was only by the grace of God.  The picture to the left is of my driveway.

On a happier note, I've been staying busy.  I went to Martinis and IMAX tonight.  The movie was the Living Sea - Get Swept Away, narrated by Meryl Streep.  It was a beautiful film and the soundtrack was written and sung by Sting.  Tomorrow night I am going to see the country band Sugarland at an outdoor venue.  That should be interesting since we have an 80% chance of rain and flash flood warning.  It will be an adventure.

EDIT to my last post:  I do think walking is boring, but wanted to say that my walking partner Sarah is NOT boring - she ROCKS!

Snake Ahead

My friend Sarah & I walked 10.6 miles on Saturday (in the pouring rain).  Around the 5 mile marker we almost stepped on a Copperhead snake.  Lucky for us it was already dead.  We were on a trail for walkers/runners & bikers so I have to assume a biker must have run over it.  Between the pouring rain and the snake it was one of the most adventurous walks I've been on.  I will be so glad when the half marathon gets here (2 weeks to go).  I've decided that walking isn't near as fun as running and in fact it is downright boring.  My walking partner Sarah has a theory and I might have to agree with her.  She said when you run you are concentrating on breathing and staying alive and so you don't spend near as much time wondering when you will be done.  We were soaked after our walk so we decided a nice brunch at I-HOP was just the cure for aching prune feet.  So much for burning off all those calories!

Where is God?

This week in the local news a newborn baby was abandoned in a storm drain.  The 18 year old mother showed up at the hospital and said she had just given birth and placed the baby in a trash receptacle at a gas station.  When the police searched the area they didn't find the baby. Upon talking to the 19 year old father they found out that he had placed the baby in a muddy storm drain.  It has been raining for a solid week here.  The baby boy was found alive, but died a few hours after being taken to the hospital.  The couple said the baby was born dead and they didn't know what to do with him, however the police report the baby was in good health, alive and making noise when they found him.  This could have been avoided because Georgia has a Safe Place for Newborns Act of 2002 which allows a mother to leave her newborn baby within seven days of birth at any hospital in Georgia. 

I can't help but think why did God bless this young couple with a baby when they had planned to discard it like a bundle of trash?  Where is my baby?  Why won't God bless me with a baby?  This has been such a rough 2.9 years and when I hear about something so henious as putting a tiny newborn in a storm drain without a second thought I just can't help but wonder why God would allow this.  I know we all have free will and that couple will have to answer to God for their actions but why them?  When I heard this story on the news I could feel my heart start harden towards God.  I'm angry and bitter and discouraged and disappointed and the list goes on and on.

I want God to bless me and lift this pain from my broken heart.  I want to believe in miracles and prayer.  I want to be a mother!

Shower

I went to the couples shower for my friend J on Saturday and had a nice time.  It was basically like an adult party, lots of alcohol and yummy party food and a big stack of gifts wrapped in cute baby paper (okay that was the not so normal part of the party).  I just avoided that area of the house so I could continue to pretend like this was just a party.  We stayed about 2 hours and when it came time for the gifts to be opened I chicken out and went home.  I felt bad that I just couldn't stay, but I felt like leaving was in my best interest.  My friend J looked really beautiful with her big twins belly and her pregnancy glow.  She has had a really rough pregnancy so it was nice to see her acting like her normal social self.  She hugged me when I left and told me how much it meant for me to be there and I was happy to have been able to share the evening with her.

Tanning Bed?

I was at the gym on Wednesday and my trainer said "have you been in the tanning bed?"  I said "no, why am I red?"  He said "yes" and I said "well I'm having a hot flash".  My neck and chest were beet red and I felt like I was on fire from the inside out.  He then asked me if it was because I was old or because of the medicine.  As I punched him in his big bicep, I said it is the medicine.  It is really funny because he knows everything going on with me in my quest to get pregnant.  He even explained to a mutual friend of mine that I was going through menopause right now and she asked why and he said because I had a hostile uterus that I was trying to correct.

The other bad side effects I've been experiencing are headaches, trouble sleeping and night sweats.  I had a really bad headache last night that turned into a migraine and caused me to be late to work.  I would have loved to call in sick but I had way to much that needed to be done.  Luckily my darling doctor husband loaded me up with drugs and I was able to drag myself to work.

Tomorrow is the couples shower for my friend J that is pregnant with twins.  I visited with J on Monday and when I mentioned that one of the kitties nibbled off the corner of her gift she said are you really coming to the shower because I would totally understand if you couldn't handle it.  I told her I was planning to come and she burst into tears and told me that it meant so much to her because she knew how hard this would be.  I'm so glad that she understands and it makes me really want to do this for her.  Maybe the acupuncturist can work a little magic on me to keep my emotions under control.  At least my hubby will be there with me (and my friend Sarah).

The 1/2 marathon is less than one month away.  (The one I'm walking).   Sarah & I had a practice walk on Saturday and we did quite well.  We walked 11 1/2 miles in 3 hours.  It was fun but I got a huge blister on my heel.  Unbelievable.  I ran a marathon and didn't get a blister like the one I just got.  It seems to be much better and I put some different insoles in my shoes so hopefully I will have better luck this week.  I walked 5 miles last night and my feet felt fine.

Thanks to all those who have served or are currently serving our country in the armed forces.  I have 2 nephews that are in the Army and I'm so very proud of them.

HOT! HOT! HOT!

The hot flashes have begun.  They are so strange, it feels like you are heating up from the inside out.  It seems like the last time I went through medical menopause that nothing really happened in the first month.  I've only had a couple of flashes but I can tell the "fun" is just around the corner.

It is hard having an infertility blog and nothing related going on.  I guess this will just be a ME blog for the next 3 months.  I hope I don't bore everyone to death over the next 3 months.  It was nice to have an extra day off this weekend.  I didn't do much but I did get to visit my friend J that is pregnant with twins.  It is bittersweet to see her.  She and I were running partners and we use to work together.  We spent many hours together running and training for our 1/2 marathons and then our full marathon.  We would run together at least 4 days every week.  Then I started trying to get pregnant in January 2007 and she started in May 2007.  Nothing happened for either one of us.  I went to see an RE and a few months later she followed behind me to see the same RE.  After her first unsuccessful IVF she decided to go to the famous Colorado clinic and now she is 22 weeks pregnant with twins.  I could not more thrilled for her but we both hoped to be able to go through this together and have our babies at the same time.  She is due to deliver the same month that I have my transfer - December.  Her baby shower is this weekend and I'm planning to attend.  I was not able to attend my sister-in-laws shower because I was so raw from IVF #3.  My friend J is having an evening couples shower and since I get to take my husband with me I think it will be okay.  

Random Act of Kindness

I received this card in the mail yesterday from my aunt in Indiana.  It said on the outside "Hello" and then inside "hope you know how often we think of you and pray for you".   I only see my aunt & uncle about once every two years, so I'm not as close to them as I'd like to be but I just wanted to say that this random act of kindness really put a smile on my face.  Sometimes just knowing someone is thinking about you and praying for you can make all the difference in the world.   My aunt wrote in the card that she was thinking about me as she studied Luke 1 & 2, how God blessed Elizabeth with child when she didn't think it was possible.  She wrote that God's plans are perfect and best but it is hard sometimes waiting for his perfect timing.  I have to admit I've been a bit mad at God lately.  I think that is a normal feeling and all children get mad at their parents from time to time.  I wish I could look into the future and know what God's plan for my life are.  The waiting is so hard and I still have 3 longs months to endure.

Thanks Melva & Darrel for the beautiful and thoughtful card.  It really meant a lot to me at this dark time in my life.