I think this must be one of the hardest holidays for anyone suffering from infertility. All the TV commercials showing precious little children with their mommies just reminds all us infertiles what we are missing out on. Trust me we all know exactly what we are missing in our lives. I’m still hiding from my reality that I will:
Never be pregnant and give birth to a baby
Never nurse a tiny baby
Never see my baby smile or laugh for the first time
Never look into my babies face and see a bit of myself or my husband
Never rock my baby to sleep
Never hear the word “mommy” or even “I love you mommy”
Never see my mother holding or playing with my baby
Never get to pass down the wonderful example that my mother has been to me
The list goes on and on. My reality sucks and I’m having a hard time accepting it. As long as I stay focused on other things I’m able to breathe and find a tiny bit of peace, but when I really think about what I’ll never have I can feel my heart breaking into a million little pieces.
Thinking of you on this tough weekend.
ReplyDeleteFor us, Mother's Day was in March. It sucked. Thinking of you tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteim so sorry. i feel some of your pain, but i can't say i can even imagine the enormity of the feelings. this is all so incredibly wrong, just not how life was supposed to be.
ReplyDeletehugs
lis
No words to take away your pain, rather a virtual hug from across the seas to make sure you know you're not alone on this day, one thats full of happiness for so many and yet sadness for so many others.
ReplyDeletexxxxx
Just wanted to say I've been thinking about you. I wish there was something I could say to ease what you're going through. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteJulize
Just because you didn't conceive this way, doesn't mean you will never have a child. Sister, stranger things have happened. But in the meantime, the best way to combat saddness and depression is to replace it with gratefulness. Take Oprah's advice (which I don't recommend regularly) and start a gratefulness journal. I think that resentment and bitterness and gratefulness cannot reside in the same place. Start with the basics. List the blessings in your life, one by one....Thank God for each one. Thank God that He loves you and has a plan for you. His plan is to prosper you and NOT to harm you. Trust Him that His way is the best way. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. We cannot comprehend His ways and neither should we. Faith is key.... Sister, faith is key. THIS is when the rubber hits the road, when you come face to face with the truth about your faith and trust in God. It's easy to say, not so easy to put into practice. I love you and I know you will survive and have a great message to share. Ask God to show you the next step, which might just be to stand still.....
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