My sister posted a comment that basically said I should start a gratefulness journal and that bitterness, resentment and gratefulness could not all reside together. I am here to tell you that they have all become very cozy neighbors. Since my last post was such a downer this will be an uplifting post of things that I am grateful for.
I’m grateful for:
- My very supportive husband. He has been amazing through this process and even though I’ve been upset with him for wanting to discontinue IVF I do understand his reasons
- My parents and family. They offered me so much support and prayers throughout this entire ordeal. They wanted this for me just as much as I wanted it. My mother always rearranged her schedule and took me to almost every retrieval and transfer. She stood with me and my DH the first time we heard the baby’s heart beat and she was with me when there was no heart beat.
- My amazing group of friends who offered words of encouragement and hugs when I needed them most. No one could ask for a better group of friends.
- The strangers who prayed for me to become pregnant and prayed that I would find peace when I was no longer pregnant
- My 2 darling little kitties that could put a smile on my face when no one else could.
- God who has provided me with so many good things in my life. I hope that one day he will provide me with the peace to move forward
There really are so many things that I’m grateful for and I do give thanks to God for everything he has provided for me. I’ve read blogs about girls going through infertility that lose friends and become estranged from their families or their husbands leave them for more fertile women. I’ve read blogs about girls having miscarriages at 20 weeks or having to discontinue IVF because they are in debt and near bankruptcy from spending so much money on IVF. None of these things have happened to me and I’m grateful for that. I always tell myself that it could be worse.
You know what....the thing is, it could always be worse.
ReplyDeleteEven after 7 miscarriages, I regularly tell myself that things could be worse. I could have lost my babies at 19+ weeks.
That being said, that doesn't mean that I write my grief, my depression, sadness off because it's part of who I am now, it's where this long journey has taken me.
Now I don't know your sister at all but her comment of "bitterness, resentment and gratefulness could not all reside together" smacks of someone who has never experienced infertility in any form because if she had, then she'd KNOW that yes in fact, they can and regularly DO all reside together! LOL
Big hugs!! I hope you find that peace you deserve.
xxx
I agree - one thing that infertility teaches us is that "bitterness, resentment and gratefulness" can reside together - and, in fact, often make their appearances in the same train of thought. I'm glad you're sorting through the gratefulness - it will bring clarity.
ReplyDeleteThey do reside together. You have gone through so much through your treatments. The joy and the misery are tied together in the process of trying to have a family. I know your sister means well--to have you start to move on. Some things just take some time. {hugs}
ReplyDeleteI need to work on finding the gratefulness too. IVF didn't work for us at all, so we're trying to figure out our next steps. It's hard when everyone else seems to be able to do what you can't. I'm trying to see the flip side and focus on the things I have that I know others don't. I know those things exist too--they're just harder to see sometimes.
ReplyDeleteMy darling daughter, watching you go through this pain has been unbearable for me at times. I so wish I could have carried your child, but lack the body parts. Yes, there are always worse situations, but when it's your pain it's hard to see past it. So many people are still praying for you. Strangers are praying for you which is amazing to me that so many people care enough to pray. I love you.
ReplyDelete