Day of Drama

The last 24 hours have been full of stress and drama. Yesterday morning after I got out of the shower I discovered that my stitch was no longer visible. I was worried that I had somehow pulled it out so I looked around, then unscrewed the drain cap and looked and lastly I checked my loofah scrubby and still no stitch. I did however have some mild cervical cramping but thought that might be the progesterone. My mom drove up last night to cook dinner and drive me around today. We went for a nice walk and then came home to shower. She went first and walked out of the bathroom holding a cobalt blue string and said "is this what you were looking for?" My heart sank because I HAD lost the stitch. I somehow pulled it out (It was still tied in a knot) and I guess it caught on my towel and when I flipped the towel over the shower curtain it feel back into the tub. I knew there was nothing that could be done about it. The cervical stitch was put in to help assist my RE getting the catheter in place. I decided I would just call my RE when the office opened Tuesday morning.

I called the RE office this morning and was informed that my doctors wife had fallen and might have a cracked rib and my RE was out to take her to the doctor so someone else might have to do my transfer. I felt like crying because I really trust him and without the stitch I knew my transfer was going to be more difficult than a normal transfer. I asked the nurse if I could just push back the transfer and wait on him. She said she would have to let me know. Later I got a call directly from my RE on his cell phone and I'm thinking no big deal he is just calling about the transfer but he was calling to let me know that the quality of my CGH tested embryo didn't look great and the head lab doctor was recommending thawing out my PGD tested embryo and putting back both. My DH has been very against inputting 2 embryos so I told my RE I would have to call my DH first. DH agreed to putting back both and my RE said he would be there to do the transfer.

I'm happy to report the transfer went smoothly. This was probably the easiest one I've done. I went for acupuncture after the transfer and now I'm home relaxing. My beta is on April 23! For now I'm PUPO - pregnant until proven otherwise and praying like crazy.

Transfer Time

Just a quick post to let everyone know that my transfer is tomorrow at 11:30. Wish me luck and pray, pray, pray!

Happy Post

A couple of my IRL friends have mentioned how down I've sounded in my last few posts. This will not be one of those posts. Today is a gorgeous day in Atlanta. The weather is warm and the sun is shining. I met my friend S for brunch and I just got back from my weekly acupuncture session so I'm nice and relaxed. The acupuncturist wants me to do some moving meditation and sitting meditation between now and Tuesday. She had to show me how to do both but it is basically just deep breathing.

My DH repainted our boring dining room last weekend and it looks gorgeous. Before it was just tan/taupe but now it is Blue Lagoon above the chair railing and Luxurious linen below. We haven't moved the furniture back yet because he still needs to repaint he trim.

I plan to go shopping tomorrow for my friend Sunshine's upcoming birthday. I love shopping even when it is for someone else. I do have to admit that it is never 100% for someone else because I always see something that I can't live without.

Everything is going well with my shots, pills and suppositories. Only a few days to go until the BIG day. Cheers!

I've been lassoed

The definition of a lasso is a loop of rope that is designed to be thrown around a target and tighten when pulled. That is what happened to me today at the RE’s office. I went in for a lining check and walked out with a cobalt blue cervical stitch. I thought the stitch was going to be put in later this week but no such luck. My lining looked great (one of the few things that I don’t have a problem with). It amazes me that the LOOK and thickness of my lining is always great, but the hormones floating around in my lining are crap. My doctor has assured me that my body will remember being pregnant and that my natural hormones haven’t had a chance to get back to the old ways of being unreceptive. I’m counting on that! It worries me that so much time has passed since I did the medical menopause. It took so long to get my endometrial lining corrected and I don’t want to discover that it is a problem again.

I know I haven’t been blogging much lately but I’ve been in a strange place lately. I feel like the medicines are really getting to me. I’ve been edgy and depressed. I’ve also got acne like a teenager. As if once wasn’t enough. I hover between hope and fear with this upcoming transfer and that is a strange place to be. I’m trying to put my trust in God but at the same time I’m bitter and angry at God. I wonder why I fell into the 5% error with the CGH testing and had a miscarriage after trying to get pregnant for 3 years. It is so unfair and I know that life is not fair. It is so hard to see past this missing piece of my life and enjoy all the great things in my life. Only one week until the transfer! Funny when I type that line I am shouting WOOO HOOO in my mind. Maybe I more hopeful than I think.

WAZ UP?

I heard someone say WAZ UP on the radio on this morning and it made me laugh. I haven’t heard that in ages. Things are starting to move along with my upcoming FET (frozen embryo transfer). I started my period late Sunday evening so I called my RE on Monday morning to schedule my sonohystergram. The nurse scheduled it for Wednesday which I thought was a bit early because I knew I would not be done with my period by then. She said it would be fine. WRONG. I get to the appointment and tell the tech it is cycle day 3 and she said she didn’t think I would be able to have the procedure. UGH! She did the initial exam (wand in the hoo ha to look around) and then went to get the physician’s assistant. The P.A. and nurse came back and said sorry you are still bleeding so we need to push the procedure to Friday. I went back today and the procedure went well. The P.A. was actually able to get the catheter through my cervix without dilating me. I’m glad to have that behind me. I go back April 6^th for my lining check and then later that week for them to put in the dreaded cervical stitch. My transfer is scheduled for April 13^th. We are only planning to put back the one frozen CGH tested embryo.

Yesterday was my DH’s 45^th birthday. Before he got up that morning I said “Happy Birthday” and he said don’t remind me. Since we are planning a nice dinner out on Saturday I just stopped by his favorite pizza place (that doesn’t deliver) and surprised him with a pizza. He was thrilled when he got home and the yummy pizza was waiting for him. He went to get his hair cut after work and I heard him tell his mom on the phone that he got the gray cut out. HA! He has nice white temples and is salt & pepper everywhere else. Right now he is still more pepper than salt. I on the other hand NEVER intend to go gray. That is what I pay my hairdresser buckets of money for.

I went to the movies last night and saw A.lice in Wonder.land in 3D. I highly recommend this movie. It was really good and my friend S and I had fun dodging things in 3D. Tonight my DH & I went to a nice dinner to celebrate his dinner. I was sad to have to skip the cocktails. There is nothing better than a nice glass of wine with a nice meal. However, once I start my fertility meds I stop drinking alcohol and caffeine. At least my DH was able to have a couple of glasses and had a DD to get him home. Cheers!

Weird Week

Last week was a weird week. On Tuesday I got a call from my ex-sister in-law that my ex-mother-in-law had passed away after a 3 year illness. I’ve been divorced for 16 years but she said that my ex husband had asked her to call me and let me know. She invited me to the viewing that night. The phone call seemed surreal and the reason my ex didn’t call was because his 2^nd wife doesn’t approve of him being friends with me. I would only talk to him a few times a year but for some odd reason she was jealous that we maintained contact. For those of you that don’t know me IRL (in real life) I meet my ex husband when I was 15 years old at a teen “nightclub”. I know how cheesy this sounds now. We lived about an hour apart but started dating and continued to date the last 3 years of high school and then the 4 years I was away at college. We were married about 5 months after I graduated from college and after dating 7 years we were only married 4 years. Looking back I think we only got married because after dating so long it was “the thing to do”. We parted ways amicably and for a few years I maintained contact with his mother but as time moved forward we lost touch. I have to say that going to the funeral home and seeing his entire family and his best friend was so strange. I had not seen his father, step father and one sister since our divorce. I had not seen my ex husband in about 10 years. In some ways I felt like I was stepping back in time. I have 11 years of memories with his family yet so much has changed with them over the past 16 years. I also got to meet the new Mrs which was interesting. She was cordial to me but it was almost funny to see her standing close and guarding “her man”. As if I have any interest in snagging him up for a 2^nd round. I am sorry that the world has lost a wonderful woman and mother.

On a much happier note, I started my Lupron injections on Thursday. It is funny that taking a daily injection in the stomach can cause so much happiness. I do have to admit that for the first 2 days I was quite irritable. I told my acupuncturist this on Saturday so she made some adjustments that have hopefully improved my mood. I know my DH hopes it is improved.

I went Saturday to see the movie Re.mem.ber Me, if you haven’t seen this movie I would suggest you take some Kleenex. I was glad the theater was at the mall because I needed some serious retail therapy to lift my mood (and a glass of wine with dinner).

THIS WEEK

I had my endometrial biopsy/scratch test this morning. It went well and I’m so glad to have that behind me. I think every single one is worse than the one before (with the exception of the time they dropped the biopsy and had to repeat the process). I found out that my RE wants to do a sonohysterogram which is an ultrasound procedure that can determine if there are abnormalities inside the uterus that might interfere with pregnancy. I have to wait for my period to start and then wait until all bleeding is done before I can have this done. I will remain on the Lupron shots but won’t be able to begin the Estrace until I have this procedure. This will probably delay my transfer 5 days but my RE wants to do everything possible to ensure I get pregnant again.

I am planning to enjoy the increase in daylight this week and actually get some exercise outdoors. I apologize for slacking off on the blog lately but there really hasn’t been much of interest going on. As things move forward I’ll have more to blog about.

Ingenious Plan

I apologize for being M.I.A. lately but after we got home from the ski trip I was slammed at work and all I've had the energy for was to read other people's blogs.

My period never started. My RE said it should start about 4 weeks after the D&C. About 25 days after the D&C I started spotting but I never got anything even remotely close to full flow. I began to wonder if the spotting was all there was going to be since I bled so heavily a week after the D&C. I was devastated at the thought of losing another month so I came up with an ingenious plan. I sent "the ingenious plan" to my nurse to ask my RE. The plan was to POAS on ovulation sticks and after I got a positive I would consider that cycle day 14 and start the Lupron shots 7 days later. My RE agreed to my plan. The first day I POAS I got a positive ovulation stick and the next day I got a darker stick, the third day it was stark white so I now had a "cycle day 14". I can't believe I almost missed it. I start my Lupron shots on Thursday and after 10-14 days I should "bleed" and then I will start the Estrace followed up with Progesterone suppositories. I forgot to mention that between day 24 - 26 (March 21-23) my RE wants to do an endometrial biopsy (scratch test). The main purpose of this is to irritate the uterine lining because studies have shown that this increases blood flow to the uterus and can aid in implantation. Of all the things I've had done in the past this is one of the most painful. That being said at this point I will do almost anything to get pregnant.

Aimee - if you are still reading my blog and would like to discuss the enlarged yolk sack in more detail please leave your e-mail in the comments section or leave a note and I can provide you with my e-mail address. I hope things turned out well for you. I had a lot of problems finding much information on the internet regarding this issue.